July 18, 2013

little laura struggles to spell good and do other things good, too

Blogger's Note: Thanks to my family's pack-rat tendencies -- and my vanity -- I've managed to keep documentation of my progress as a writer from kindergarten on. Instead of letting those cedar chest gems go to waste, I figured I might as well do what I do best -- post them to my blog. This is Little Laura Learns the Ropes.



No. 1: Kindergarten Freestyle
Date: May 12, 1992
Age: 5

I lIke To Pla Waf girls nad boys.

Clearly my heart was in the right place as a kindergartener. Not only was I promoting equity by crossing gender lines for my friendships, but I went so far as to dent the glass ceiling by putting chicks before dicks.

Well done, Little Laura. Well done.

Aside from making a bold, and progressive, statement, the whole work fails to otherwise impress me. Let's be honest. This work is a little shoddy, isn't it?

I can overlook a couple of errors in a short story, but three misspellings and misplaced capital letters?


Come on, Little Laura. This is kindergarten, not amateur hour.

Also, this isn't the most original idea, is it? "I like to play with girls and boys." Where's the imagination? Where's the prose? Where's the passion?

And, hello, Little Laura. Isn't 5 a little early to start penning a memoir? What have you actually accomplished by this point in your life? Sure you've watched The Little Mermaid and An American Tale at least 50 times each. And maybe you've learned how to correctly space your letters. But what innovations have you made? What's the hook? Why do people care?

I will give Little Laura props for accurately depicting a boy and a girl in the accompanying image.


Though, I'm a bit concerned by a couple elements. Namely, what's with forcing the little girl to wear a dress, Little Laura? Didn't you just challenge gender norms?

And, most troubling, why are both of your friends blond(e), blue-eyed creatures with missing limbs? Props for befriending handless, feetless kids, but why not get a little more diverse?

Still, I appreciate the effort. Help yourself to a slice of American cheese or a Popsicle. No, not the ice cream, one of those little Freezies. Yes, you can have a grape one. No, you can't have the cheese and the sweet. You'll spoil your dinner. 

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18 comments:

  1. ROTFLMAO This is priceless! I love the handless/feetless people. I actually think you showed great promise as an artist at this stage in your life, Laura.

    Thank goodness I did NOT save my schoolwork. I shudder to think what my scribblings at age 5 would look like. Yours are very sweet and I like seeing the boo-boos. Just goes to show how far you've come! :)

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    1. Unfortunately my drawing skills haven't improved much since then... :)

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  2. Girl, you are hilarious!! This posting was so great and definitely made my morning! Keep these coming!!

    Sara

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    1. Have no fear, when you throw in my middle and high school samples, there are enough of these to get us through NaNoWriMo!

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  3. "Come on, Little Laura. This is kindergarten, not amateur hour." Love it! Oh, to be five again, right?

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    1. For serious. I doubt I could get away with spelling "and" wrong these days.

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  4. Loved it! Quite a dress on that little gal!! Perhaps you missed your calling in fashion!

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  5. That was absolutely hysterical! What a fun idea!!! Thanks for the laugh! :-)

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  6. I loved it, too, Laura! Count me in as a new fan!

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  7. So funny. My oldest sis (who is 16 years older than me) saved some of the letters I sent her when she went off to college. They are similarly lacking in prose and passion. No conflict.

    But wait... are you sure little Laura wasn't saying she likes to play with "nad boys". You assumed it was a typo for "and", but it might have been code for "bad" boys! *There's* your hook!

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    1. I bet those letters are adorable!

      As far bad boys... I'm thinking you might be into something. Even Pre-K I was often drawn to the bad boys. I wanted to fix them. Reform them into upstanding members of society. Plus, they were lots of fun.

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    2. As for me... even in Kindergarten I was drawn to the gay boys. The pretty, nice, friendly ones who...always just wanted to be my friend! That continued right on through senior year in high school! :)

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    3. If only I'd been so lucky. :)

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  8. My mom saved all of my early writing, too. Good stuff!!

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