little laura struggles to spell good and do other things good, too

Blogger's Note: Thanks to my family's pack-rat tendencies -- and my vanity -- I've managed to keep documentation of my progress as a writer from kindergarten on. Instead of letting those cedar chest gems go to waste, I figured I might as well do what I do best -- post them to my blog. This is Little Laura Learns the Ropes.

No. 1: Kindergarten Freestyle
Date: May 12, 1992
Age: 5

I lIke To Pla Waf girls nad boys.

Clearly my heart was in the right place as a kindergartener. Not only was I promoting equity by crossing gender lines for my friendships, but I went so far as to dent the glass ceiling by putting chicks before dicks.

Well done, Little Laura. Well done.

Aside from making a bold, and progressive, statement, the whole work fails to otherwise impress me. Let's be honest. This work is a little shoddy, isn't it?

I can overlook a couple of errors in a short story, but three misspellings and misplaced capital letters?

Come on, Little Laura. This is kindergarten, not amateur hour.

Also, this isn't the most original idea, is it? "I like to play with girls and boys." Where's the imagination? Where's the prose? Where's the passion?

And, hello, Little Laura. Isn't 5 a little early to start penning a memoir? What have you actually accomplished by this point in your life? Sure you've watched The Little Mermaid and An American Tale at least 50 times each. And maybe you've learned how to correctly space your letters. But what innovations have you made? What's the hook? Why do people care?

I will give Little Laura props for accurately depicting a boy and a girl in the accompanying image.

Though, I'm a bit concerned by a couple elements. Namely, what's with forcing the little girl to wear a dress, Little Laura? Didn't you just challenge gender norms?

And, most troubling, why are both of your friends blond(e), blue-eyed creatures with missing limbs? Props for befriending handless, feetless kids, but why not get a little more diverse?

Still, I appreciate the effort. Help yourself to a slice of American cheese or a Popsicle. No, not the ice cream, one of those little Freezies. Yes, you can have a grape one. No, you can't have the cheese and the sweet. You'll spoil your dinner. 

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