September 27, 2013

cinderella's prince charming: and the kick is good


I had another rough week in Fantasy Football-land. Cinderella's Fellas nearly lost its first game. For a full 24 hours, I was told I'd lost by 0.6 heartbreaking points. But the Fantasy Gods went back to recalculate everything, and by a miracle I pulled off a 128.1-127.82 victory. Talk about a roller coaster. This would've dropped me from first to third place in a league I'm basically dominating.

Even more troubling than that, I had to break-up with a few of my players.

My new ex-boyfriends... err... former Prince Charming candidates are:
  • Dwayne Allen, Indianapolis Colts tight end on Cinderella's Ball
  • Michael Bush, Chicago running back on Cinderella's Ball and Cinderella's Fellas
  • LaRod Stephens-Howling, Pittsburgh running back on Cinderella's Ball
  • Justin Tucker, Baltimore kicker on Cinderella's Ball
All poor Dwayne, LaRod and Michael did was end up on the injured rosters. I'm sorry, boys, it's not you, it's me. I just can't keep investing myself in relationships when you're not able to be there. It's not fair to either of us. Someday, I'm sure you'll heal nicely and find a new team to love you.

As for Justin... he had the audacity to score negative points in week two. And... I don't even want to talk about it.

I am also now on an official break with Stevan Ridley, the Patriots running back who continues to disrespect me, and the rest of the boys on Cinderella's Fellas, by significantly under-performing every week. Fact: I'd planned to bench him last week and play Josh Gordon of the Cleveland Browns as my flex position. But at last minute I got a little sentimental and gave Ridley one more chance. And how did he repay me? By scoring a measly six points while Josh raked up more than 20 points. Needless to say, I've seen both of their true colors, and I know who cares about me more.

I know all of this must sound a bit extreme, and it is. As a fantasy football team owner, I give my players my support, devotion and even love. I give them everything. And when they go and throw it all in my face. I just can't waste my whole life waiting for them to come around. Not when there's money, honor and my heart on the line.

So, this week, I wanted to honor a man who showed his willingness to help me succeed. My Prince Charming is Matt Prater.


The kicker for the Denver Broncos and Cinderella's Fellas scored 17 points in Monday night's game. Before he took the field, I was behind my opponent by almost 18 points, and I didn't even think I had a chance. The man proved me wrong by scoring 50-year field goals and extra points all night.

While Cinderella's Fellas ultimately went on to lose (for a while), it wasn't his fault. Matt had nothing to do with his team fumbling their final position and losing their chance at having another shot at the end zone (or better yet a field goal). But he came out and gave it his all. And he kept me a contender in the game, even though I didn't deserve it after starting Ridley over Josh. I get a little emotional thinking about how much he must love giving me fantasy points.

And in the end, his antics ultimately gave me the edge when my opponent was docked one point after stats were reconfigured. 

During those 48 hours, when I thought all was lost and my perfect season was already gone, Matt taught me a lesson I'll keep with me forever: It is better to nearly win and lose than to have the snot beaten out of you.

In happier news, despite my near loss with Cinderella's Fellas, the boys of Cinderella's Ball banded together to get our first win of the season! I'm still probably going to lose this league (it's a keeper league, and I lucked out by getting LeSean McCoy and Peyton Manning in the first two rounds), but at least I'm not a totally defeated team.

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