Blogger's Note: I "met" Laura Barnard in online writing groups, and I'm pleased to host her on Change the Word as she promotes her debut novel, The Debt & the Doormat. Right now, her book is available for free on Amazon, where it recently reached No. 1 on Amazon UK's Humor best-seller list.
How to Survive Life as a Klutz
By Laura Barnard
Some people have commented on the main character Poppy’s extremely unlucky nature. Some have even said ‘this much bad stuff can’t happen to one person.' Well it does and it has. I am a Poppy. Bad things happen to me. I choke on food in public, bus doors shut on my coat, I send wrong letters to people. It’s basically a disability. I even walk into walls. For no reason. I have no spatial awareness and am always sporting at least three leg bruises.
I’ve always dreamed of being a more sophisticated woman. As a gangly teenager with frizzy hair and braces I actually thought it could be achievable when I grew up. I’m twenty seven and I’m still waiting. I couldn’t even hold it together for my wedding day. By the time I got to the church I had a flower stain on my dress and I even tripped walking down the aisle. Luckily no one noticed. Or… perhaps they were too polite to mention it. Most brides glide everywhere as if floating on a cloud. I had my shoes off within an hour and was dancing on stage with the band. Most brides go to the toilet with ease. I had to squeeze two bridesmaids into a cubicle so they could lift my meringue over my head.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change my life for the world. My friends know me and they like me for what I am. They know I’ll be the one at the party that falls down the stairs or gets violently sick on someone’s shoes…and they still want to know me. At no point have they told me I’m boring or too much hard work. I laugh things off as I know life is too short to care what others think. I’d much rather enjoy the night and yes, maybe fall over a few times… and maybe take someone down while attempting to do the Dirty Dancing lift. I’d much rather be a dumb-ass, scatty cow who enjoys herself than one of those beautiful, glamorous women who exude confidence and sophistication. They always seem such a bore!
In The Debt & the Doormat Poppy is still desperately trying to be sophisticated. She craves normal behavior. Yet with the help of her best friend Jazz she learns to let herself go and accept herself as the natural klutz, disaster zone she is. And she realizes life is far more fun this way!
About the Book
Poppy and Jazz have been best friends from the first week of uni. Whenever these two get together trouble isn’t far away and things haven’t changed much. When Jazz gets herself into financial trouble Poppy, being a good friend, offers to help. She instead ends up being talked into swapping lives, with Jazz insisting it will be good and help her get over her broken heart.
Poppy is thrown into a new life, full of crazy housemates; there’s fitness freak Izzy, horrendously beautiful bitch Grace and the slightly gorgeous, if not incredibly grumpy Ryan. Quickly, with the help of Jazz, her life is thrown upside down. Madness ensues and her need to please everyone gets her in more trouble than she could ever imagine.
Before she knows it she’s got a fake boyfriend and is hiding so many secrets she’s scared they’ll spill out any minute. With a bullying boss, a sex crazed colleague, a mental mother and three brothers each with their own dramas, life has gotten pretty difficult for Poppy. And all of this would be much easier, if she could just stop falling over.
Will she get her life back to normal before her brother’s upcoming wedding? And will she want to?
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